Going For The Buzz ... Is It Really Worth It?

I have a bit of experience with alcohol and alcoholics. Born to parents who were addicted to alcohol as well as prescription drugs, I am no stranger to addiction. My ex-husband died of alcoholism.
Not to mention I am a recovering alcoholic and addict myself. I began drinking as a teenager and continued as an adult until one fateful day in 2000. On a staggeringly hot July day in Texas, I had a grand mal seizure in a swimming pool ... because I was so intoxicated. I was taken to the ER and my family was called and told that I had drowned and would not last the night. I woke five hours later, to everyone's astonishment, apparently none the worse for wear. But the message had been received. I had to stop drinking or end up dead.
I chose to live. And that was the end of my drinking.

I now consider alcohol to be as potentially dangerous and deadly as a lot of street drugs that are being sold and bartered. Alcohol destroys your health, your life and your relationships. The World Health Organization estimated in 2002 that globally 1.8 million people's deaths every year are directly attributable to consumption of alcohol. The death rate in the USA for Cirrhosis of the liver: 26,050 per year, 2,170 per month, 500 per week, 71 per day, 2 per hour, 0 per minute, 0 per second.
("cirrhosis" (Digestive diseases in the United States: Epidemiology and Impact – NIH Publication No. 94-1447, NIDDK, 1994)

And alcohol has been shown to be as addictive as morphine. The recovery rate for an alcoholic is 2%. Alcoholism is a worldwide epidemic due, I believe because it is so inexpensive and so easy to get. ?

I've known many, many people who chose alcohol as their drug of choice and whose lives were literally destroyed and I have to say it is one of the more unglamorous ways to 'chill'. There is no one more unattractive or more obnoxious than someone who is insanely drunk.
You won't find anyone who will tell you that you are a 'vision of loveliness' with bleary eyes, reeking of alcohol fumes and wearing rumpled clothes, much less with flecks of vomit on you because you decided you had to have to have that last drink, irregardless of the fact that you already had 'one' too many.

Liston to some advice, PLEASE from someone who REALLY knows...
If you drink ... STOP. If that means going to AA, seeing a physician or going in for detox, DO IT. BE BRAVE and SAVE Yourself. Do whatever You need to do to stop drinking alcohol. Yes, it is hard. One of the most difficult and tortuous things you will ever attempt. But believe me when I tell you that it will also be one of the greatest things you can do in your life for yourself, your family and your friends.
Never ever doubt the enormity of the impact your drinking causes to every single person even remotely connected with you and how immense the change will be when you take the courageous step to live your life without alcohol; for you, your family and your friends.

And if you are a friend of someone with a drinking problem, you can only do so much. You cannot make them stop drinking. But you can support and love your friend.
Don't be afraid to take a firm stand in regards to what you are willing to tolerate; "Listen, I love you but I do not love alcohol or the way it affects you. If our friendship is as important to you as it is to me, you will respect my request not to be around me if you are drinking or intoxicated."
And then stick to it and be firm.

The rest is up to your friend...

Until next time...

Love and Light To All,
LadiofZen


Some statistics on alcohol abuse from http://www.about-alcohol-abuse.com/

*
According to alcohol abuse and alcoholism facts uncovered by alcohol research, American youth who drinking before the of age 15 are four times more likely to image: doctor holding hand of alcohol abuser become alcoholics than young people who do not drink before the age of 21. This statistic focuses on the importance of drinking at a later rather than at an earlier age. This statistics also points out very clearly how abuse and alcohol go together, even for teenagers.

* The 25.9% of underage drinkers who are alcohol abusers and alcohol dependent drink 47.3% of the alcohol that is consumed by all underage drinkers.

* Every day in the U.S. more than 13,000 children and teens take their first drink. Among other things, this means that many of these teens will understand first hand the relationship between abuse and alcohol.

* Every year, 1,400 American college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die from alcohol-related accidents and injuries, including motor vehicle accidents. Traffic fatalities, perhaps more than any other statistics, point out the devastating realities that often result from alcohol abuse and alcoholism.

* image: college couple drinking beer on vacation In the United States during 2004, 16,694 deaths occurred as a result of alcohol-related motor-vehicle crashes. This amount was approximately 39% of all traffic fatalities. This amounts to one alcohol-related death every 31 minutes. This statistic, quite honestly, is overwhelming. Talk about abuse and alcohol---one alcohol related traffic fatality every 31 minutes and the grief and devastation suffered from these deaths is beyond comprehension.

* Here's one of the alcohol abuse and alcoholism facts and an alcohol statistic that though logical, is something that most drinkers and non-drinkers probably do not know: The 9.6% of adult alcoholics drink 25% of the alcohol that is consumed by all adult drinkers.

* Every year in the U.S. more than 150,000 college students develop health problems that are alcohol-related. This is additional evidence that alcohol abuse and alcoholism, unfortunately, are intimately interrelated to one another.

* Alcohol abuse and alcoholism cost the United States an estimated $220 billion in 2005. This dollar amount was more than the cost associated with cancer ($196 billion) and obesity ($133 billion). Though dollar amounts like this are hard to comprehend, at least they make an attempt at placing a dollar value on the relationship of abuse and alcohol.

One Step Closer to the Humanity of Equality

President Obama is slowly restoring my faith in him. With his extension of health care right's to gay partners, I have breathed more than one sigh of gratefulness and relief on behalf of all LGBT couples, myself and my partner included.

I wish desperately that it could have been much earlier for Clay and Harold, an elderly gay couple that resided in California. Their story is so horribly tragic that is shows without question why the war for equal rights for all LBGT and their partners is so vitally important.

Harold and Clay had been together 20 years. This is their story as taken from Dan Savage of SLOG News and Arts:

Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place—wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.

One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold’s care from the first moment. Tragically, county and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes. Ignoring Clay’s significant role in Harold’s life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold’s “roommate.” The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold’s bank accounts to pay for his care.

What happened next is even more chilling: without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold’s possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.

Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home. Because of the county’s actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property.

Clay is now suing the county, the auction company, and the nursing home. This story should get as much attention as Constance McMillen's story. More attention. There should be protests outside the hospital and county administration buildings. And I think another phone call from the president is called for.

This story is heart-wrenching in the extreme. And sadly, this story has happened over and over and over again to gay and lesbian couples because their rights were not recognized. Basic rights that every human being should have ... irregardless of race, color or creed ... or sexual orientation.

Thank you to President Obama, on behalf of all of us.
And to Clay? I am so deeply, deeply sorry for the heartache and injustice that you and Harold were forced to endure simply because you were both so very courageous enough to love one another. God Bless You and keep you safe.

Equality, Justice and Compassion. Because We Are All One...

Until next time...

Love and Light To You All,
LadiofZen

Love Or Something Like It

...Just a question about Love? Ready? Okay, here's one; when you are in the throes of Love, do you think how wonderful it is that you are loved or are you more in awe of who you love?

Not an easy question for most of us. We all become so caught up in what Love is supposed to be, we forget how to enjoy what it is. Contrary to popular belief, music doesn't just break out in thundering soundtrack when you about to share your first kiss or have your first intimate moment.

Love is quieter, discreet, private. Don't get me wrong. I am all for passion. Passion is what keeps out hearts beating and our blood flowing and there is no greater fan of passion than I.

But the moments that mean the most between my partner and I are the quiet simple moments. Those times when you happen to glance up and catch your lover's eye across the room and you know without a doubt what she was thinking by the curve of the smile on her face and the tenderness in her eyes. Or the way she touches you in a simple , gesture of affection and you can feel her wanting of you through her fingertips, or the simple way she runs her hands through your hair absentmindedly...
The feelings that those moments cause are warm, safe ,rich and full of tenderness.

What love isn't is Obsession: an unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someone. And I have to admit, I have been obsessed with someone just as someone has been obsessed with me. It isn't pretty or healthy and is very very painful from my experience.

Just because you believe you love that 'special someone' and want 'that someone' to love you, because you feel you would be perfect together, because you believe yourself to have found 'the love of your life' doesn't mean just because YOU feel that way, that THEY do. It doesn't mean you will end up together as a couple and if the other party doesn't share your feelings, you run the chance of becoming not only someone who makes them very uncomfortable and want to avoid, but also an annoyance, as well as the pain it will cause both of you. Yes, it hurts...a lot. And yes, sometimes it feels as though you will never get over that person that you are so enthralled with. But you will, I survived and so will you.

Love or Obsession? Learn the difference because the difference will astound you...
Now that you know what Love isn't, go find a beautiful person to love and practice what Love IS...

Until Next time, My Dear Friends...

Light and Love To All,
LadiofZen

I Believe ...

... That everything happens for a reason, from the good to the bad. So with that being said, I have to admit that I am in love. I have only loved like this once before in my life and that ended tragically. I made many mistakes with that relationship and I am determined not to make the same ones with this very new relationship.

Because I have Bipolar Disorder, and am an adult survivor of abuse as well as having come from a very dysfunctional family, relationships take much more work for me than the average person.
I have to constantly remind myself to trust. To stand still while my lover begins to know me inside and out. And to allow myself the joy of feeling loved and loving in return.
Is it easy? Yes and no. Yes because I so adore this special person in my life and no because I have to address knee jerk reactions that come up for me frequently and process them to avoid certain reactions that could cause misunderstandings between myself and my partner.

And while I have shared very important issues such as my medical disorders, the fact that I take three daily medications to control it and that I have to see a psychiatrist every month, there are certain issues regarding my past trauma and my childhood that I have not shared yet but when the time is right, I will because I know now that it is important to do so to establish emotional intimacy and trust. I used to believe that sharing my abuse and trauma would cause too much distress and so I chose not to share with anyone. I kept that part of myself private and closed off, resolutely refusing to share with anyone that chose to come into my life.

And then came K who taught me that if your partner truly loves you, she will gladly carry your burdens along with her own because you would do the same for her. That sharing your mind is just as important as sharing your body, if not more so. And that allowing yourself to be loved is vital to being loved.

So Thank you K...for the gifts you gave me. I couldn't see them then in the haze of my grief but I see them them now in all their glory and I am so grateful to you from the bottom of my heart for your strength and compassion in loving me. You taught me so much. And I so dearly wish I could have understood then what I understand now. But know that I cherish you and your gifts with all of my heart.

And while I could not understand why we both had to go through what we went through together then,
maybe I do now. Because maybe the gifts you gave me were meant for the love I am with now.
Thank you GG for your unending patience and compassion. Thank you Bren for being my sister, in heart and soul.

And to my new love? And you know who you are. Be patient with me and I know that you will, as I strive to love you and allow myself to be loved by you. Know that one day I will share everything with you, I promise...

Love...ain't it grand?

Until next time, My Dear Friends...

Love and Light To You All,
LadiofZen

In Praise Of Eccentricity

I am an eccentric. Yes, I admit it. In fact, I love that my friends consider me unique, if a little different at times. And I have to say that most celebrate that trait about me.
A definition of eccentric : a person with an unusual or odd personality
bizarre: conspicuously or grossly unconventional or unusual;
character: a person of a specified kind (usually with many eccentricities); "a real character"; "a strange character"; "a friendly eccentric"; "the capable type"; "a mental case"
not having a common center; not concentric; "eccentric circles"

Being an eccentric, I love the unusual, the different or the extreme. And I love other eccentrics as well. It's as though we speak the same language and we celebrate each other's eccentricities
and character. I'm not sure if I was born eccentric or just became one but I am definitely not of the norm. And I've come to learn that a lot of people who suffer from Bipolar Disorder are considered eccentric to their families and friends as well.

My son Joshuea is a perfect example of an eccentric. As a child, he had very few friends and most children considered him odd. The fact that he had a genius IQ didn't help. In fact, it hurt.
He wasn't into sports or school activities. He read...a lot. And what he read, he remembered.
And it wasn't just that. He read everything he could get his hands on. When he was sixteen, he asked for a Fender Stratacaster guitar for Christmas and then proceeded to teach himself to play guitar by ear and to play so well, it became clear he was musically gifted. When he turned seventeen, suddenly he had a huge following of friends who considered him a guru of sorts. They came to him for answers to their problems, they asked his advice and deferred to his judgment. And they celebrated his uniqueness. And it seemed that overnight, he not only belonged, he was cherished. The years of being an outsider were gone. He became an amazing musician and formed a band and began to play clubs. He also began to write screenplays.

And even though I am blessed enough in my life to have family and friends who celebrate the unique and quirky person that I am, I know that there are other eccentrics in the world who are not lucky enough to have someone in their life to not only accept them just as they are but relish the uniqueness of their character. And that, to me is very sad. Because most, if not all eccentrics are brilliant and gifted as well as very creative and artistic. Some are wonderful poets and writers, some are musicians, others are artists. There are eccentrics in the field of medicine, science and yes, even politics.

Some eccentrics have made a major impact on the world because of their unique ability and bravery to step outside the box and view the world with a different eye. Examples such as Einstein, Dr. Patch Adams, John Lennon as well as Sigmund Freud. And they have done it because of the strength of their belief in themselves and their convictions and worried not a whit about who it offended or what people said. All because of who they were. Because they were eccentric. Because they were unique...

So I say raise your glass, bong or pipe to the eccentric. Celebrate being unique, quirky and different. And if your an eccentric, I say Welcome, My Friend to a Very Elite Club. The Club of Eccentricity. Cherish yourself and the other eccentrics in your life because you will be the ones that can and will change the world...

Until Next Time, My Dear Friends...

Love and Light To You All,
LadiofZen

Chelsea King

Chelsea King, as most of you have heard on the news, disappeared after going for a jog in a San Diego park. While family and friends worried and and thousands of friends and volunteers searched, many wondered and worried what had happened to the seventeen year old Chelsea.
Her car was found in the park with car keys and cell phone inside.
Chelsea King was young, beautiful and an honor student at her high school. Thousands of people who had joined the search, then mourned the Poway High School honor student at a candlelight vigil Tuesday night.

Brent King thanked supporters on the lawn of St. Michael's Church in Poway.

"She's my angel forever," he said.

Five days after her disappearance, her body was found in a shallow lakeside grave in the very park where she had vanished. Thirty year old John Albert Gardner III has been arrested and charged with her death and rape or attempted rape. Gardner is a convicted sex offender who served five years of a six year prison term for molesting a thirteen year old girl in 2000 and is also suspected of a December attack on another female.

Chelsea's death was horrible and sickening in the extreme because it did not have to happen.
How long before the law and courts understand that sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated?
How many more women will we lose this year? Next year? And the year after?

Chelsea's life, so full of promise, was cut short in the most beastly way by a man who should have never been let out of prison in the first place. An animal of a man who preys upon women and who will always prey upon women. It's in his brain, part of his nature and who he is. A beast...
You cannot change that. You can only lock the beast up and away so that he doesn't harm anyone else. Or you put him down.

I pray he gets put down....

RIP Dear Chelsea and know that we mourn your loss, your beauty and your life of promise.
God Rest your soul...

Until next time,

Love and Light to You All,
LadiofZen

Finding My Father

I lost my father at the very young age of seven and throughout my life, I have longed for a father figure in my life. Psychiatrists say that fathers are very important for a young girl's development into a woman and the type of father she has will shape her future relationships with the men in her life. And the same with mothers and sons.

As I became a young woman, I found myself drawn to older men, not in a sexual way but in a way that mystified me because I didn't understand it. But drawn I was; to my much older boss, my college professor, the next door neighbor. It wasn't until I was much older and had gotten divorced from my first husband that I came to realize why I was so drawn to older men and what a true father was.

My ex father-in-law was the complete opposite of my real father; steady, reliable and dependable. I had never known what a father was as my real fyather was not equipped to be there for me as a child. And so after searching my whole life for a father figure, my ex father-in-law stepped in and became the father I had never really known.

Edward was Polish, had a heart of gold and had been a cook in the Navy for over twenty years. After his stint in the navy, he worked at an auto salvage yard and hardly ever missed a day of work. Many were the nights we would have long conversations that lasted hours on the deck. The convesations were wide and varied ranging from how the brain worked to his memory at the age of four of people being loaded onto trains by the Germans to the vastness of the solar system to the reality of Angels. We became very close.
He supported me and my decisions but never hesitated to tell me his opinion if he didn't agree with something. He told me often what a good mother I was, how intelligent I was, how he admired how I carried myself. His compliments to many were few and far between so when he made one to me, I was extremely touched and proud and took it straight to my heart because I knew he meant it sincerely.
And I respected him because of the man he was. He was there for his family and made sure they were taken care of. And I began to love and adore this gruff old man and to think of him as as my father and he often told me that he loved me and that I was his daughter. Every morning I would stop by before work and have coffee with him before we started our day and it seems that we never ran out of things to talk about. I often asked his opinion on many things and he would give it honestly and sincerely. And I always followed his advice.

And so, my search for a father came to an end and I had the father in my life I had always longed for...for six years until a massive heart attack took his life. And I lost a father once again, only this time, I felt as though I would die from the grief. I had lost the only real father I had ever known and it was an unbearable loss for me. It took years to get over and I still miss his presence in my life profoundly. I like to think that Edward watches over me and that comforts me and governs my behavior to a great degree.

I raised both my sons without their father's presence in their lives and while it causes me sadness I cannot begin to describe, somehow I feel when the time is right, Edward will send someone to be a father figure to both my sons and hopefully it will be a wonderful man just like he was.

Because what I've learned is it is never too late to find a father and it's never too late to be a father. And as a therapist once told me, "If you can't live with the family you have, then you make your own family."

I Love You, Edward...Thank you for being my father and allowing me to be your daughter.
You couldn't have given me a greater gift...

Until next time...

Love and Light To All,
LadiofZen