I'm Going Home

On the day I went away... goodbye...
Was all I had to say... now I...
I want to come again and stay... Oh my my...
Smile, and that will mean that I may

Cause I've seen blue skies, through the tears
In my eyes
And I realize.. I'm going home.

Everywhere it's been the same... feeling...
Like I'm outside in the rain... wheeling...
Free, to try and find a game... dealing...
Cards for sorrow, cards for pain

Cause I've seen blue skies through the tears
In my eyes
And I realize.. I'm going home.

I'm going home, I'm going home.

~ Recorded by Tim Curry from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Dedicated to Gary Marq Baugh, with Love.

Thank You For The Magic

Whether you loved him or hated him, Michael Jackson was a dazzling force to be reckoned with on stage. Immensely gifted and talented, he entertained the world with his amazing dance moves and his music. We all know of his start in show business with his older brothers, 'The Jackson 5'. We know about the cartoons, merchandise and sold out concerts. We know about the plastic surgeries and the pet chimp 'Bubbles'. In fact, it seemed we knew everything about Michael...through the tabloids. Story upon story upon story...each becoming more and more bizarre.
Most of all, we knew his music...

But did we know the man?

When he died last year, I began to read about Michael Jackson; the man, the legend and the father and what I found out not only surprised me, but made me all the sadder because I had never gotten the chance to know him; as a friend and as a human being. And yes, I , like most others, judged him because of his appearance and his often bizarre behavior. I'm more than ashamed I did...

Of course, it's impossible to talk of Michael without bringing up the child molestation charges. When it first happened, because of who I am (an abuse survivor), I believed the media. But those who knew and loved Michael the best, his friends, family and his fans staunchly stood by his side in his defense.
I don't believe it now and as Michael once said in an interview, "I would rather cut off my arm than hurt a child." And knowing how Michael loved children,
I think that is true. Why? Because Michael was a child himself and he spoke their language. He was indeed a grown up 'Peter Pan'. He knew how to relate to children and he had unending compassion and empathy for those who were sick or ill.

But the accusations and humiliation that he suffered publicly before, during and after the final trial, in which he was found not guilty, was the blow that seemed to knock Michael to his knees and it seemed that he was never able to recover from it. Even then, his fans rallied behind him, in demonstrations in front of the courthouse to show their support. He became a different Michael then, a Michael who worried constantly about his children's safety and whose drug use escalated to the point where even those closest to him were worried. It is said that some time before his death, two members of his family attempted a intervention and it was discussed, but went no further.

I once watched a concert where he stopped everything so that a tech could take a bug off the stage so it wouldn't be crushed. And as the tech scooped up the bug and began walking away with it, Micheal's words could be heard ringing out, "Don't kill it...please don't kill it."

One of the things that hurt the most in regards to the media was
was all the propaganda regarding 'his love of children', making it seem dirty and perverted. That blow must have hurt Michael most of all. After it was all over, Michael vowed that NeverLand, the home that he had built for himself and was a virtual fairground for sick children, would never be home to him again and he moved his children to Paris.
Later he would move back to the states but he said often that it didn't feel like home because the house was so exposed and that he didn't feel safe.


That Michael was, most times, a sad and lonely person was a given. He had been lonely most of his life, which led him to be very shy and soft spoken in public. When he had his children, I believe that they were the force that kept him going, day after day as he went into a decline that would be impossible to pull out of.
I believed that he loved and adored his children and they, in turn, loved and adored him, because to them, he was simply 'Daddy'. Those closest to Michael say that he was an awesome father and an excellent dad. He took great care to shield, as any father would who was concerned for their child's safety, his children from media as much as he could.

It's impossible to know when Michael began to use sedatives to help him sleep.
Some have said that he used them for years (right after the album 'Thriller' was released) as well as other drugs to combat chronic insomnia as well as pain.
The end result, the unbearably tragic one is that because of too many doctors, too many medications and too many 'Yes' people, Michael Jackson's 'This Is It' comeback tour would not be seen until after his death and then only rehearsal clips.
Michael died of a sudden cardiac arrest due to an overdose of multiple medications, including one used for sedation during surgery. Charges against his doctor are pending.

His gifts amazed even the most seasoned of singers, dancers and actors and he befriended many, many of them.

After two failed marriages, it seemed Michael devoted his time to not only his children, but other children around the world who needed him, giving his name, time and money for children charities.

In the last years of his life, Michael seemed even more at loss with the world and
and with himself. The pain of his childhood, which he spoke of often, seemed to have a tighter hold on him and his drug use increased.

I'm very sad Michael is gone. He was man who was so child-like, at times he seemed like a child, instead of 'The King Of Pop'. Just a big kid who wanted to have fun, to laugh and maybe play like the kid that he was...the way he said he was never able to play as a child.

Good Bye Micheal...I wish I had known you. I'm sorry for the pain and loneliness you felt during this lifetime, but I thank you for the beautiful gifts you gave the world. I wish someone...just one person would have said 'No' to you and maybe you would be here today.

You will be greatly missed and never forgotten...

Now My Friend, you can really fly...

Until Next Time, My Dear Friends,
LadiofZen

Going For The Buzz ... Is It Really Worth It?

I have a bit of experience with alcohol and alcoholics. Born to parents who were addicted to alcohol as well as prescription drugs, I am no stranger to addiction. My ex-husband died of alcoholism.
Not to mention I am a recovering alcoholic and addict myself. I began drinking as a teenager and continued as an adult until one fateful day in 2000. On a staggeringly hot July day in Texas, I had a grand mal seizure in a swimming pool ... because I was so intoxicated. I was taken to the ER and my family was called and told that I had drowned and would not last the night. I woke five hours later, to everyone's astonishment, apparently none the worse for wear. But the message had been received. I had to stop drinking or end up dead.
I chose to live. And that was the end of my drinking.

I now consider alcohol to be as potentially dangerous and deadly as a lot of street drugs that are being sold and bartered. Alcohol destroys your health, your life and your relationships. The World Health Organization estimated in 2002 that globally 1.8 million people's deaths every year are directly attributable to consumption of alcohol. The death rate in the USA for Cirrhosis of the liver: 26,050 per year, 2,170 per month, 500 per week, 71 per day, 2 per hour, 0 per minute, 0 per second.
("cirrhosis" (Digestive diseases in the United States: Epidemiology and Impact – NIH Publication No. 94-1447, NIDDK, 1994)

And alcohol has been shown to be as addictive as morphine. The recovery rate for an alcoholic is 2%. Alcoholism is a worldwide epidemic due, I believe because it is so inexpensive and so easy to get. ?

I've known many, many people who chose alcohol as their drug of choice and whose lives were literally destroyed and I have to say it is one of the more unglamorous ways to 'chill'. There is no one more unattractive or more obnoxious than someone who is insanely drunk.
You won't find anyone who will tell you that you are a 'vision of loveliness' with bleary eyes, reeking of alcohol fumes and wearing rumpled clothes, much less with flecks of vomit on you because you decided you had to have to have that last drink, irregardless of the fact that you already had 'one' too many.

Liston to some advice, PLEASE from someone who REALLY knows...
If you drink ... STOP. If that means going to AA, seeing a physician or going in for detox, DO IT. BE BRAVE and SAVE Yourself. Do whatever You need to do to stop drinking alcohol. Yes, it is hard. One of the most difficult and tortuous things you will ever attempt. But believe me when I tell you that it will also be one of the greatest things you can do in your life for yourself, your family and your friends.
Never ever doubt the enormity of the impact your drinking causes to every single person even remotely connected with you and how immense the change will be when you take the courageous step to live your life without alcohol; for you, your family and your friends.

And if you are a friend of someone with a drinking problem, you can only do so much. You cannot make them stop drinking. But you can support and love your friend.
Don't be afraid to take a firm stand in regards to what you are willing to tolerate; "Listen, I love you but I do not love alcohol or the way it affects you. If our friendship is as important to you as it is to me, you will respect my request not to be around me if you are drinking or intoxicated."
And then stick to it and be firm.

The rest is up to your friend...

Until next time...

Love and Light To All,
LadiofZen


Some statistics on alcohol abuse from http://www.about-alcohol-abuse.com/

*
According to alcohol abuse and alcoholism facts uncovered by alcohol research, American youth who drinking before the of age 15 are four times more likely to image: doctor holding hand of alcohol abuser become alcoholics than young people who do not drink before the age of 21. This statistic focuses on the importance of drinking at a later rather than at an earlier age. This statistics also points out very clearly how abuse and alcohol go together, even for teenagers.

* The 25.9% of underage drinkers who are alcohol abusers and alcohol dependent drink 47.3% of the alcohol that is consumed by all underage drinkers.

* Every day in the U.S. more than 13,000 children and teens take their first drink. Among other things, this means that many of these teens will understand first hand the relationship between abuse and alcohol.

* Every year, 1,400 American college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die from alcohol-related accidents and injuries, including motor vehicle accidents. Traffic fatalities, perhaps more than any other statistics, point out the devastating realities that often result from alcohol abuse and alcoholism.

* image: college couple drinking beer on vacation In the United States during 2004, 16,694 deaths occurred as a result of alcohol-related motor-vehicle crashes. This amount was approximately 39% of all traffic fatalities. This amounts to one alcohol-related death every 31 minutes. This statistic, quite honestly, is overwhelming. Talk about abuse and alcohol---one alcohol related traffic fatality every 31 minutes and the grief and devastation suffered from these deaths is beyond comprehension.

* Here's one of the alcohol abuse and alcoholism facts and an alcohol statistic that though logical, is something that most drinkers and non-drinkers probably do not know: The 9.6% of adult alcoholics drink 25% of the alcohol that is consumed by all adult drinkers.

* Every year in the U.S. more than 150,000 college students develop health problems that are alcohol-related. This is additional evidence that alcohol abuse and alcoholism, unfortunately, are intimately interrelated to one another.

* Alcohol abuse and alcoholism cost the United States an estimated $220 billion in 2005. This dollar amount was more than the cost associated with cancer ($196 billion) and obesity ($133 billion). Though dollar amounts like this are hard to comprehend, at least they make an attempt at placing a dollar value on the relationship of abuse and alcohol.