The Glories of Friendship

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” Anonymous

Friends are essential to be healthy and well rounded. We all need friends, every single one of us and I have had different types of friends in every stage of my life. In my teenage years, my friends were, like me, in a stage of rebellion and so we rebelled with drugs, alcohol and rock and roll as well as no holds barred behavior. In my twenties and thirties, because I had a child, my friends were most often other mothers who had children and shared interests. Now as my youngest son approaches eighteen and is almost grown, my friends have changed once again.

Of course, there are the special friends, the ones you've known almost your whole life, like Cher who I've known since I was thirteen and who I babysat and diapered and our friendship is over thirty five years old.

I love Cher dearly and she is like a daughter to me.

Jodi is a friend who is intelligent, gifted and so extremely funny that she will invariably cause me to laugh out loud frequently. She is also supportive, loving and thoughtful.

And there is Sue, who no matter how much time elapses between long distance phone calls, the conversation seems to pick up right where it left off from the previous phone call and with the conversation always ending with 'I love you'.

Carol knows me inside and out, celebrates the quirky person that I am and who loves me anyway.

She is the type of friend who will offer to drive forty miles to take me to the doctor or bring me 'get well' food when I am sick, keeps my secrets close to her heart and who I can tell anything to.

Carol is one of my dearest friends and because I know I can trust her with anything, she knows more about me than almost anyone. She never judges, is always there for me and I can always rely on her to answer a question with honesty.

There are many, many others who have touched my heart but these are the four that stand out at the moment. I am so grateful for their friendship and I'd like to think that I am as good a friend to them as they are to me. Friendship isn't a one way street. You have to be a good friend to have a good friend. It's as simple as that.

When my beloved mother passed away a few months ago, I was touched and surprised at how many people sent their condolences but it was Carol, Caz and Jodi who were there standing by my side as I struggled to face the loss of a parent. As depression overwhelmed me, these woman stood steadfastly at my side, offering support and love and yet giving me enough room to grieve. That is a true friend and a great gift...

Since I have become older and hopefully wiser, my choices for friends have become much more selective in terms of what I can offer a friend and what they can offer me. I know that I don't have room in my life for someone who chooses to remain stuck or mired in their own misery. That is a choice and if you choose that, I won't be by your side, stuck in the mire with you. That isn't to say I won't gladly carry your burdens along with my own because I will just as I know you will carry mine but living joyfully and in the present is also a choice and the type of person that I choose to surround myself with. Nor will I be embroiled in drama. Life is simply too short and there are too many other things I would rather be doing than acting as a bit player in the 'great play' of your life.

Friends are a gift that we give ourselves and my friends are indeed gifts to be celebrated and cherished.

I am more grateful than they will ever know that they have chosen to be part of my life.

My life is all the richer because of them.

Friends...what would life be without them?

Until next time...

Love and Light To You All,

LadiofZen

How Long Does the Pain Last? As Long as it Lasts...

Several years ago, I fell head over heels in love with a woman. For those of you that don't know, I am a lesbian and have been since 1992. This woman was everything; brilliant, funny and wise, I could not help but love and adore her.

Because it was a long distance relationship and because we were both ill at the time (me, bipolar disorder and she with an auto-immune disease), after six years and many, many ups and downs, I ended it. There is much more to the story than that but much too much to go into here.

Even though I had ended it and she accepted my decision, I was devastated. I grieved constantly; sitting alone by myself, in the bath, listening to music, at bed at night. I couldn't eat, could sleep and was unable to even think clearly, the pain was so intense. I made myself physically ill over the loss of her. Part of my grief had to do with the fact that we couldn't try again. We had done that several times and this parting was to be the last.

I couldn't face the fact that she was not to be a part of my life any longer. I would ask my friends,"How long? How long is it going to hurt like this?", but they had no answers for me. They could only look on with concern and assure me that I was loved and cared for.

I tried everything to ease the pain which sometimes doubled me over with the intensity of it.

I tried dating other people but they only reminded me that they were not her and I realized how unfair it was to the person I was dating so I stopped dating altogether.

I tried hating her because I thought it would make it easier but I couldn't do it...I still loved her deeply. And I prayed to God to take the pain away and to forgive me for hurting her.

Finally, after two years it started to ease. I could think of her and not have tears well up in my eyes. I could remember the gifts she gave me and cherish them. I could smile as I remembered some of the funny and witty things she had said. And I was grateful to God and The Universe for allowing me the chance to know her.

So how long does it take to get over a broken heart? As long as it takes...

There is no set time and each person is different. Go ahead and grieve. Accept the truth of the situation because nothing is served by lying to yourself. Be honest about how you are feeling to yourself and to others. Be good to yourself during this time.

Meditate, read some self help books, watch some comedies...Yes, love can be extremely painful and may not seem not worth the risk. But it is, that glorious feeling of love for another person is a feeling that gives you wings and allows you to fly.

So when you feel sad, allow yourself to feel sad and acknowledge the loss. And know that it won't last forever. It may seem like it, but it won't. One day, the pain will seem a little less and the next day, maybe a little more...

And never, ever give up on Love...

Until next time, My Friends,

Love and Light to All...