The World As I See It...

The vision of the world has changed vastly for me through the years.

There have been times when I saw no light, no hope, no me.

I spent my time looking back at hurtful times and regretting decisions that I had made either by my own choice or because I had no choice at all. Resentments set heavy in my chest because of the mental illness I had inherited from my parents. I felt sadness and loss as heavy as though the feelings were a thick cloak I wore around my shoulders. And I grieved for the person I was and the person I could have been.

Those days thankfully, for the most part, are over. I'm grateful for so much these days that is hardly seems worth the time to look back with regrets. Don't get me wrong, I still do sometimes as we all do but it is a rarity  and not nearly with as much sadness. I understand much more than I used to about life and how easily we can get locked into viewing only the bad and forgetting the good stands right beside awaiting a glance, an acknowledgement that it does indeed exist.

My sons are a such a joy to me on a constant daily basis that the old pain of not having ten children and living in a shoe, seem irrelevant.

I have wonderful friends that I love dearly.

Not to mention a dog the size of a horse who is the smartest and gentlest of any creature I have ever known and three cats with their own distinct personalities. My sons, my friends, my dog and my cats...they are my family.

And though I'm not living as exactly as I would like, I realize that your life is what you make it. 

I never believed that old saying. I never believed that you could have any power over your life.

I do now. I know now that everything is a choice from getting up in the morning to living your life with joy, hope and love. I understand that truth is most important and that honesty is always the best policy, although at times it may seem difficult in this 'graceless age'.

And that laughter is indeed very good for the soul.

And I know that I am much stronger than I ever believed I could be, that I am intelligent and that I have gifts no one else has. Am I being conceited? No, I am believing in my self and there is a difference.

And I am unbelievably grateful for the people that have come into my life. Some have stayed and are with me still, some have stayed awhile and moved on and some were only with me for a moment but all of them, every single one, taught me something and left me with a gift

.

And so, I guess my message to you would be that 'Choice' is or should be one of the most important words in your vocabulary because it determines not only who you are but who you can be.

Someone who loves and is loved, who lives with joy, wonder and hope and believes that anything is possible. Because, you know what? 

Anything is...

Until next time, My Friends...

Light and Love To You,

Ladiof Zen

The Glories of Friendship

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” Anonymous

Friends are essential to be healthy and well rounded. We all need friends, every single one of us and I have had different types of friends in every stage of my life. In my teenage years, my friends were, like me, in a stage of rebellion and so we rebelled with drugs, alcohol and rock and roll as well as no holds barred behavior. In my twenties and thirties, because I had a child, my friends were most often other mothers who had children and shared interests. Now as my youngest son approaches eighteen and is almost grown, my friends have changed once again.

Of course, there are the special friends, the ones you've known almost your whole life, like Cher who I've known since I was thirteen and who I babysat and diapered and our friendship is over thirty five years old.

I love Cher dearly and she is like a daughter to me.

Jodi is a friend who is intelligent, gifted and so extremely funny that she will invariably cause me to laugh out loud frequently. She is also supportive, loving and thoughtful.

And there is Sue, who no matter how much time elapses between long distance phone calls, the conversation seems to pick up right where it left off from the previous phone call and with the conversation always ending with 'I love you'.

Carol knows me inside and out, celebrates the quirky person that I am and who loves me anyway.

She is the type of friend who will offer to drive forty miles to take me to the doctor or bring me 'get well' food when I am sick, keeps my secrets close to her heart and who I can tell anything to.

Carol is one of my dearest friends and because I know I can trust her with anything, she knows more about me than almost anyone. She never judges, is always there for me and I can always rely on her to answer a question with honesty.

There are many, many others who have touched my heart but these are the four that stand out at the moment. I am so grateful for their friendship and I'd like to think that I am as good a friend to them as they are to me. Friendship isn't a one way street. You have to be a good friend to have a good friend. It's as simple as that.

When my beloved mother passed away a few months ago, I was touched and surprised at how many people sent their condolences but it was Carol, Caz and Jodi who were there standing by my side as I struggled to face the loss of a parent. As depression overwhelmed me, these woman stood steadfastly at my side, offering support and love and yet giving me enough room to grieve. That is a true friend and a great gift...

Since I have become older and hopefully wiser, my choices for friends have become much more selective in terms of what I can offer a friend and what they can offer me. I know that I don't have room in my life for someone who chooses to remain stuck or mired in their own misery. That is a choice and if you choose that, I won't be by your side, stuck in the mire with you. That isn't to say I won't gladly carry your burdens along with my own because I will just as I know you will carry mine but living joyfully and in the present is also a choice and the type of person that I choose to surround myself with. Nor will I be embroiled in drama. Life is simply too short and there are too many other things I would rather be doing than acting as a bit player in the 'great play' of your life.

Friends are a gift that we give ourselves and my friends are indeed gifts to be celebrated and cherished.

I am more grateful than they will ever know that they have chosen to be part of my life.

My life is all the richer because of them.

Friends...what would life be without them?

Until next time...

Love and Light To You All,

LadiofZen